How Big is Your Grundle? by Mark Harris

Insert lame “size does matter” joke here. Hardy-har-har.

A new study being published in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives suggests a direct link between male fertility and the length of their grundles (excuse me, AGD). AGD or anogenital distance is the measurement from the anus to the underside of the scrotum. Men found to have a shorter than median length (52 mm) taints are seven times more likely to be sub-fertile. “The shorter the AGD, the more likely a man was to have a low sperm count.” Ouch.

Furthermore another study went on to suggest a correlation between phthalate levels in the urine stream of pregnant women and the subsequent AGD of their newborn sons. Phthalates, for those of you not in the know, are chemicals used in stuff like perfume, shampoo, soaps, paints and pesticides. Women with high phthalate levels were ten times more likely to give birth to short-tainted children. Well, the children themselves weren’t short and tainted. Their taints were short. Or shorter than average. You understand.

Some however are remaining rather dubious about this newfound data. Until we hear Jay-Z bragging about the size of his taint I don’t believe it.